The Adventures of Ramen Lord and Kitty!
by Isilithix
Summary: Naruto was once an average little boy. Then he began to develop feelings for a girl. Due to a small chain of events surrounding said girl, he has become a super powered villain. Together, he and Kitty will create havoc and chaos in their wake...


Adventures of Ramen Lord and Kitty!

* * *

Once…I had a dream. But now that dream is gone. Oh what an idiot I was. My first dream…

…To become Hokage. The best there ever was, and ever will be…Yeah, that was just about the gist of my daily ramblings as I ran from one part of my old village to the other; never really thinking about the process of becoming Hokage. It was a title of power, endearment and respect; all of the things I wanted so I could turn around and stuff it down the throats of all the people who had made fun of me over the years…

But since then, that dream has lost all meaning to me, as I found a new dream…I remember it like it was yesterday…Because it was yesterday…

I don't know what came over me when I went to my favorite eatery in the village, Ichiraku Ramen; but as soon as I entered the small stand, my mouth went dry and I started to sweat profusely…

I had been going to the Ichiraku Ramen stand for years, ever since Jiji brought me there when I was five and ordered me a bowl of miso ramen. The food was excellent and the people, the father-daughter team working and managing the restaurant, were nice. Such kind smiles…

One day ago, September 6th-10AK, I found it incredibly hard to talk to Ayame-Neechan. I don't know what went wrong…I stammered and I felt my face heat up like a stove top, and when she smiled at me…I almost melted away…

There was no way I could become Hokage if I couldn't even talk to one of my friends, right? So I decided, on that day, September 6th, that Uzumaki Naruto was not suitable to become Hokage…Especially not after what I had blurted out what my gut had been whispering to me after standing in front of Ayame-Neechan for so long without greeting her…

_Pretty…_

She laughed. She laughed a beautiful laugh, a laugh worthy of praising...Then, she did something I never thought would happen…

She leaned forward on the counter, one arm under her chest another resting against under her chin, caressing her cheek, smiling at me with a faint blush on her face. I never noticed it before, but she had she had lips…Especially when she wore her light red lipstick…Then…

_Aw! How sweet! Thank you Naruto-Kun; I'm glad you approve!_ Then, she winked at me and made a kissy face…

The next thing I remember is waking up in my house, Kitty staring down at me intently.

_Kitty!_ I said with a hug. _I have a new dream! To make Ayame-Neechan blow kisses at me every day!_ She huffed a little, but I waved it aside. She probably just had a hair ball stuck in her throat.

…My dream was shattered the very next day(today, September 7th- 10AK), as Mizuki-Sensei was making kissy noises while sitting at the bar. Ayame-Neechan was blushing and holding her face…Now that I think about it…Wasn't Mizuki-Sensei older than Ayame-Neechan? Like a million years older than her? What was he doing kissing _my_ Ayame-Neechan?

…He would pay…He would pay dearly…

Later that day(after lunch but before I brushed Kitty's head fur) I stalked Mizuki-Sensei. Watching him like a hawk paid off as I found him entering an old base in the outskirts of the village…I waited until he went into the old base, then I snuck in.

It was dark…And scary…But I had to make Mizuki-Sensei pay for what he was trying to do with _my_ Ayame-Neechan…Maybe I could shove him down the stairs? Yeah! That sounded like a good plan!...

Until the stairs came to a stop…Maybe I could shove him up the stairs? No, not as funny as shoving him down the stairs.

The man who was now my enemy entered a room on his left, a room with a spooky green glow. It was a bad idea now that I think about it, but I followed him…And was shocked at what I saw…

Mizuki was talking to a man with white skin…He didn't look like he was real though, although he could speak and I could hear him…Maybe he was a ghost?

I hate ghosts…They scare me.

Then the ghost turned away from the door, and from my hiding spot behind a large counter, I saw Mizuki get down on his hands and knees, stick his rear in front of the white ghost man's pants and started to shake it…

Something inside me died that day…Something that I will never be able to forget has been forever etched in the deep confines of my mind…Especially not after the ghost man dropped his pants and a white snake popped out of his pants…

My eyes still burn from the lemon juice…Someone had told me that if I ever saw something that made a part of me die, to wash my eyes with lemons…I think it was the man who told me that Kitty would love that nasty raw fish, milk, vitamins and vegetable stuff I gave her two years ago…I have to remember to kick him in the cherries for that…

Anyway…

I managed to turn my head away from the yucky scene when Mizuki pulled down his pants…Funny, I thought that only women with saggy boobs wore that kind of underwear? No…Wait, Kiba's Neechan wears that kind of underwear too…Did she like the ghost man's snake too? Maybe I'll remember to ask her later…

Anyway, as I turned away and plugged my ears with my hands, I started to look around the counter and the cupboards that were built under them. They were full of odd things…

One had a man's eyeball stuck in a jar, it was black and it was labeled: Uchiha. Hey! Sasuke's family were all killed, except for his Kaa-San…Maybe that eye was his Tou-San's?

Another jar had a green lid on it, the label read: Lube…Something told me not to touch it. I wonder why?

The other cupboards had the same kinds of things in them…All except for the last one.

In the last cupboard, was a small jar of black stuff that glowed white. It was labeled: Chemical X. The same thing that had told me not to touch the 'Lube' jar, told me to take the Chemical X jar…Then it told me to get out, then eat it…It also told me to get a picture of Mizuki and the Ghost man doing whatever they were doing and show it to Jiji…I would have, but I didn't have a camera. Suddenly, a blood red camera with a small TV screen appeared in my hands. The thing that had told me to take the jar of Chemical X told me to turn the camera on, press 'REC.', set it on the counter top and wait five minutes before taking it and running away.

When I got back to my house, I set the red camera on the table, along with the jar, and the voice reminded me to eat the Chemical X.

So I did…I even gave a bit of it to Kitty…Speaking of Kitty, I wonder if she's still using the litter box? She's been in there for a long time now…

Maybe I should have given her the Chemical X with some ramen? I don't have a stomach ache…

Ahhh…Ramen…Delectable, tasty ramen…It just melts on my tongue…

Suddenly, my thoughts turned to Ayame-Neechan. Just thinking about her makes all of the bad things I've seen today(September 7th-10AK) disappear…

Suddenly, something happened.

As I twirled my chopsticks in my bowl of ramen, the broth started to boil…Then, noodles started to rise up out of the bowl…And then…They attacked me.

The pain was too great, and I passed out again.

When I came to(twenty minutes ago) Kitty was once again starring down at me, her face full of worry…Okay, most of it was full of worry; some of it was anger, I think.

I don't think she likes Chemical X. Meh…More for me, I guess.

When I looked at the bowl of ramen, if found it to be empty…Which made me sad…But then, all of a sudden, I had three urges…

One: Write this all down in a semi-educated way.

Two: Go and prove myself to Megami-Sama…And hopefully one day marry Megami-Sama and make lots and lots of little bowls of ramen with her…(drops of blood blotch out next couple of words)

Three: Go and commit unspeakable evils! All in the name of Megami-Sama! All who speak out against the Goddess of Ramen way will pay! With what, I'm not so sure...But they will still pay!

But first…I feel a great need to go and steal all the ramen I can, and make it a part of me…For I am…

"RAMEN LORD!"

"…Merrow?"

End…For Now.

* * *

Wow…That was rather quick, wrote it under two hours…It may be a tab bit confusing at the moment, but hopefully I can come back and clear some things up later.

_Kitty_ is so hard to write! I have made so little progress with it; it makes me want to slam my head into a vat of acid…Doesn't help that the Canon is pissing me off...

Speaking of acid, _Acidic Properties_ is on hold due to something I had no idea would come up as I wrote it. Inspiration. Yeah…I guess to give you a more accurate window… The plot behind _Acidic Properties_(which is one hundred percent mine) was developed for one reason originally. To make either a hero or a villain for Marvel, hoping that they bit at the baited hook. However, as I wrote the Fanfiction version, or tried to; a new idea entered my mind. To turn it into my own novel of sorts…So, I'm not going to be writing it because I am a paranoid bastard who doesn't want to send in a rough draft of my story only to find out that some sleaze ball already took it because it was on FFNet. Sorry…Actually, no…No I'm not sorry…

I am rewriting the beginning of _Heir of Uzu_, and I already have the first chapter pretty much done. However, don't expect to see it up until I reach chapter five.

Now…This story…

Well, first of all, if you don't like it, then don't read. That being said, don't review. Second of all, not all HUMOR stories have to have deep, developing plots; you should be lucky that this story even has a plot in the first place, considering it comes from a story with no plot at all.

It started as an Omake, and now…Now it has its own piece.

Naruto is going to be a villain, a funny villain. Kitty is his sidekick. Naruto wants all of the ramen in the world to build the ultimate statue made of ramen noodles so he can build a statue of his new Goddess(Megami-Sama) Ayame. Kitty just wants to make sure he's safe…and steal a few kilos of catnip and mouse toys…Or boxes to play in…

Both had special powers, thanks to consuming Chemical X(which is derived from Power Puff Girls, lame; I know…But I took it because it sounds like something that Orochimaru would do…Not the nice powerful girls part, but the Chemical X part.

Naruto(Ramen Lord): Has the power to control ramen. Yeah, I mean, it's in his name. Spider-Man – Powers of spiders, plus. Ramen Lord – Power over ramen within a certain vicinity. Stronger, smarter(duh) a bit paler, but that's to be expected of a generic villain. Extra, super explode-y mini-narutos(the food) that cause havoc and chaos…Energy beams made of ramen noodles(smells just like ramen, only deadlier.)

Kitty: Super claws made of energy(Neko-Ken! Kekeke…Creepy laughter) Supersonic purring, the ability to land on all fours…The ability to make people want to pet her for no reason whatsoever…Just like a real kitty…Able to throw energy blasts in the shape of fish and cat toys. The ability to see in the dark…Maybe other things…I dunno…

Ayame: Whatever she says, Naruto takes it as a command. Anyone who crushes on her or hits on her…instantly becomes Naruto's enemy.

Weapons…

Naruto: A staff nearly eight feet tall, three inches thick, tan in color with a mini-naruto adorning the top of the staff(twenty-four karat gold). Has the ability to turn into a bunch of noodles, only fifty-thousand times stronger than a wet, ramen noodle…Ability to control the elements, though Naruto doesn't know how to control that…Yet…

Kitty: Claws. Claws that can cut through steal and…And…I-I don't know yet…

Ayame: Cooking ladle. The almighty cooking ladle.

Teuchi(Ayame's Father): Cooking Pot of Doom, Hot Fry Basket of Death, Knives of Pointy-ness and Plastic Sporks of Tetanus.

**Q's and A's**

**1. Naruto and Ayame? What about Kitty?**

Kitty(Yugito) is his pet. While he is smarter than he is in the Canon and the Canon!Kitty, he still has yet to figure it out.

**2. Why Ayame?**

Because, Naruto all but worships ramen, and he sees Ayame almost every day he gets it from Ichiraku's. After eating the Chemical X and becoming all but insane, he figures that Ayame is really the Goddess of Ramen, rather than just a friend he has a blossoming crush on.

**3. Where's Hinata?**

At her house. Duh. This story isn't about her. If you don't like it, too bad. I don't like reading stories where Naruto leaves the village with someone else she's always there beside him. That's a cop out for reviews in my book. Not going to do that. Plus, there are so many stories like that I don't feel like I need to contribute to polluting the system with yet another one.

OMG! Naruto leaves the village with a girl he likes/loves(let's use Tenten) and Hinata decides to follow him, tells him she loves him and then all of a sudden, he realizes he loves her back and turns her into his number one lover, Tenten as his second lover! This is the image of true love! …Um…no…It's not. Love doesn't work that way people, sorry. That's a perverts fantasy, not love.

By the way…My first poll is done, and the ten people who voted and said that Hinata would still love Naruto no matter what or who he was, did or was planning on doing; even if she had NEVER met him before…You're living in a world of make believe.

**4. Where's Sasuke?**

He hasn't been introduced yet, duh. He'll be coming later, just as odd as he was in the Omake.

**5. Naruto has a partner! Gai has a partner! Will Sasuke?**

Yes…I have a poll up for that right now. Go to my page and take a peek. It doesn't require as much thought as the last poll I had…(Yes…I am disturbed and shocked by the people who voted Yes on the last poll…)

**6. Will there be any other villains besides Naruto, Kitty, Gai and Lee? And will any of them be girls?**

Yes. Yes there will be other villains. Kankuro is going to be a villain…Why? Because he's cool. So is Kabuto…Why? Because I hate how the manga is making him to be a cheap little cop out…He should have had his own goals; not just to pick up where Orochimaru left off at. By the way…I hope he gets a rusty iron pike enema for assaulting/perhaps killing Anko. She did not deserve it. By the way…If anyone can make a story where Kabuto is his own person; not a puppet for Orchimaru/Sasori and has his OWN plans; nothing to do with Akatsuki or continuing Orochimaru's work, that'd be a great read…Well, hopefully a great read.

As for girl villains(yes I know there is a term for them, but I'm too lazy to plug it in at the moment)…Well, there's Kitty, but you already knew that…Or, I hope all of you knew that by now…Yakumo is going to be a villain, she has the background to be one, and she's got the power. Temari will NOT be a villain…She will be a heroine, who chases after her younger brother; trying to return him to their village where he can spend the rest of his days in a nice, cozy jail cell full of ugly people…Where she thinks he belongs.

**7. Will the female villains/heroines have crushes on Naruto?**

Some might, but he's not going to love them back. He does things for his Megami-Sama…Ayame. Everyone else is a fly on the wall…Well, all except for Kitty…Who is just his pet; because he's still a moron underneath his new found intelligence.

**8. Is Naruto gay? And if he is, is he going to be with Sasuke?**

Nope. Naruto isn't gay, just naïve to the ways of sex. He doesn't know homosexuals from heterosexuals, and he doesnt know what the hell they are doing either at this point in time, because he's just a kid. No one's taught him a thing so although it disturbs him when he see's Mizuki getting it on with a image of Orochimaru, he was too curious as to what was happening to immediately break away.

No. If I were to ever write a Yaoi story, Naruto would never be paired with Sasuke. Oh, and don't get any ideas about asking me to write one, because it isn't happening. Not unless you count Mizuki/Orochimaru's Image a pairing…Then your free to squeal all you want…Just don't tell me about it.

**9. Next chapter?**

Dunno. I'm leaving for Turkey Day, going to see the family in another part of the country, and I'm probably not going to have a lot of time to write.

Well, I hope you all enjoyed the read…I'm sorry if I pissed you off via my views on stupid Naruto/Hinata pairings/story set ups; but it's been grating on my nerves for a long time…And if you stop reading because of that…Well, too bad for you, I guess.

As to why this story came out all of a sudden…Well, I've been watching a lot of comedy/ecchi anime lately to pass the time. I've found that most ecchi anime are pretty funny in a couple ways; and no, I don't watch them for the perverseness, but for the humorous scenes.

And one last thing; as most of you should know by now, I went and changed my pen name. It has no real meaning as far as I know; and that's because I made it up off the top of my head. If it does mean something in another language…That's cool, I guess…

Also, if anyone has any pictures or knows of any free/safe non-pornographic sites where I can find a nice picture of Ayame, that'd be great. Gonna stick it up on my profile next to this story…Or rather, the link of for the picture.

Ja…


End file.
